Yes there are aspects of life and careers that require absolute knowledge. For example, a neuro surgeon would rarely be required to have a good bedside manner with their patient on the operating table. I for one however, will never be a surgeon, nor do I wish to be. It would involve to much responsibility for one such as myself who couldn’t handle the pressure.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think I’m alone with this stance. Ironically it appears to me upon reflection that most of the so called prestigious and powerful roles require more EQ than IQ.

Being no stranger to IQ tests, I know what they consist of. But I’ve come to the conclusion that my EQ is far more valuable than any mathematical garbled crap that I can solve on a spreadsheet. The reality of life is that people must relate to others.

For a disabled person to do so, they may have to open themselves up more than most. Having done so, I have found it has yielded much more than I ever gave. I have befriended countless people from all echelons of life and the common aspect of these friendships is that we are both open with each other. Looking back, it sounds stupid now but I used to be embarrassed about eating in restaurants because I was afraid of making a mess. But I was too proud to ask for my friends to help. Interestingly enough, even my closest friends wouldn’t offer to help for fear of insulting me.

As one gets older and wiser, I have tended to realise that honesty and openness are far greater tools than spreadsheets and pie charts. Being friendly, direct and truthful are the cornerstones of any successful life and career. Pussy footing around situations where both parties are unclear on what they should do, in any aspect of life will cause awkwardness and tension. My approach of being open and direct is not restricted to those I already have a connection with. Instead I use it uniformly and this had meant I have connected with many interesting and unique people.

This does not mean you will always stand eye to eye with someone but you will know where you both stand (pardon the pun). I can only offer my advice based on experience and suggest what’s worked for me. So let me leave you with this. Do you remember the teacher who helped you through your GCSE maths due to their brilliance, or do you remember the good friend who helped you through a trying time in your teenage years? Both are valuable, undoubtedly but I know which one has imprinted them self on me much more.

Who has had a greater influence on you?

Firstly Rudolph had a visible impairment yet ironically it did not effect his day to day life physically. Infrastructure was not a barrier for Rudy as he had full mobility. So social barrier 1 physical environment was ok. However he had some big problems with the attitudinal barriers faced by many wheely and more hidden impairments. After all the other reindeers would laugh and call him names, to quote. I imagine he would get rather annoyed by this insensitive reindeer humour. However social barrier number 3 (2 being attitudinal) is the organisational barriers. Now Im in 2 minds here on this one. On the one hand, Santa may have had disability awareness training, knew Rudy was the best reindeer for the job on that cold and foggy christmas eve it was right to promote the red nosed wonder. On the other hand was it just that it made sense this night to use Rudy but actually he would join in with the other reindeers generally mocking. We have no real proof on this either way but regardless I’d like to think once Rudy proved himself there was no need for organisational policy changes or awareness training as they would just see through that big red nose and embrace him as a reindeer. The big issue for me is a red nose classified disabled under the DDA, any thoughts?

So I hope you like my take on this. As you can tell I’m feeling much chirpier. I went back to work Thursday and it was a slog still full of cold. I made it and after a visit to my beloved south bank yesterday for hot chocolate with Beata (on her second shift) I think the colds shifting in time for xmas. today Im roasting my dinner and then Nicola is coming over for some tv and a catch up.

I will be doing Martyn’s review of the year vlog on Tuesday or Wednesday (probably only on www.martynsibley.com, but will see if it can be on priority site too) so keep an eye out for that and in the meantime stay safe kids!

My grandpa, absolute legend with technology, dug out these 3 newspaper cuttings at my request from many moons ago to enable me to write this blog (http://www.flickr.com/photos/martyn_sibley/sets/72157622856332857/). He is a legend as not many people of his age, let alone full-stop, could scan, save, upload and email this so perfectly. Thanks Gramps J

I’ll start with the picture of me in my new wheelchair pushing the football up the alley-way beside our old bungalow. This came off the back of everyone in my village and further afield hearing that I needed a new wheelchair costing £3,000 of which my parents didn’t happen to have lying around. I think this shows the fact that someone like myself requires more support than someone not disabled. Had I not had so many good friends and family I may never have got that chair and the confidence to get out and do it! It also shows how appreciative we were as a family to say thanks. I can remember being embarrassed at going in the newspaper and highlighting my disability. It was a necessary means. The same occurred when I needed funds towards my first adapted car which we achieved with many fundraising events.

I hope in this newer age that the government sees the longer term returns from investments in such capital equipment for disabled people. I have no doubt this, along with other support from the state and friends enabled me to be so included and able to complete my education, leading to employment. I urge policies to recognise this and for innovative solutions to arise in filling this void, not everyone has the networks seen in this article but with a small investment large untapped potential can be found. It’s a win win!

The second 2 articles, despite slightly blowing my own trumpet, show why I think people were happy to go to lengths to support me. These articles show when I swam for the British Heart Foundation (www.bhf.org.uk) – not so easy as I only swam with my arms. I raised good sponsorship money, had the then Prime Ministers wife Norma Major help me out the pool on regional TV and I won the cup for best achievement in the years fundraising. This was not a publicity stunt to raise the money mentioned previously but my wanting to do something for someone else and show just because I take sometimes, I can give to. I remember it took bloody ages to do the swim but was a big personal achievement. I hope in a different way some of my blogs will make a difference, large or small, to other people. I have also done some fun videos on www.martynsibley.com to keep things light hearted!

Overall this trait is less about social investment but personal goals. I cannot decide government policies but I can live my life in a way I think is right. By passing on knowledge and experience I take satisfaction while I hope it does encourage others to do what is in their heart. All too often disability can be a negative viewpoint on the cannots. This is counterproductive and how ever many barriers someone faces, complaining will not help. So as mentioned before, go for your goals but also give back to others as well. It feels good and karma may throw you a curve ball too.

As the Dalia Lama said “It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come.” (www.dalailama.com).

When I explain why, they then ask why others are not doing more. Here, I want to explain this ‘issue’ for anyone else who just hasn’t had the bigger picture explained to them.

For me, I didn’t really see an ‘issue’ either when growing up. Sure I worried about leaving my primary school mates to go to the only accessible secondary school 20 miles away. Sure my wheelchair broke down and it distressed me being stuck. Sure I worried if girls would accept my disability in relationships. But the point is, it was my life, not a ‘disability issue’.

Going to university and then moving into my London flat with a full time job created many complications, but it was delivering a training session at Scope – (http://www.scope.org.uk) that changed my thoughts:

1)  I realised others may have had less family support, less inclusion with friends and less financial security than maybe I had in my upbringing.

2)  Also the problems I encountered were not fair. Even though I have overcome them, many of them are just unnecessary in a developed country like the UK.

Having accepted there are bigger issues and harnessing this with my studies in economics, marketing and politics, things begin to click –

I have an impairment called Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA) – (http://www.jtsma.org.uk gives info on SMA and I am a trustee of this charity). In essence SMA means my brain sends messages but the damaged cell at the top of my spine blocks them getting to the muscles. This is purely genetic and has no cure. Therefore I have full feeling but weak muscles from limited stimulation and development.

Disability is not about tokenism, sympathy or helping. The social model explains this perfectly. Despite having SMA I am not disabled by this. If there are steps into a building I am disabled, however if there is a ramp or lift I am not disabled. The same with attitudes, if someone assumes I am less intelligent or cannot talk I am disabled, however if they meet me on merit I am not disabled.

So what is the issue? 1 in 3 disabled people have not been able to access public services due to physical or attitudinal barriers. Disabled people are also less likely to gain employment resulting from; lesser qualifications with access to schools, lesser social skills from social inclusion and discrimination from employers. The Disability Discrimination Act (DDA, 1995;2005) should stop this, but with the legal costs liable to the individual very few cases have been brought to court and hence standards are still low without a real threat to those who breach it (http://www.leeds.ac.uk/disability-studies explains more academically many disability issues).

I maintain a balance on the social model. It is very liberating to see the problem coming from elsewhere but in getting angry and assuming society will now change leads to frustration. Society does need more access and people do need to consider disability more consciously, but as a uniform movement. It will take time, and money is a consideration but it’s about society even knowing there is an issue first.

The reason others do not see this as a problem comes from history (I will have a guest blog on the history of disability activism next month). Briefly it is safe to say many moons ago I could not have gone to uni, travelled to Australia and lived independently (earning and choosing how to live from support of PA’s) in London. Therefore disability is inherently invisible. Care homes in rural mansions and so on meant disabled people were just not seen.

This does not mean all disabled people have fewer qualifications and do not work. Hopefully I’m a testament to that. What I’d like to say here is that my experience is that whinging would’ve got me nowhere. The drive from my parents and love from friends has made me aspire to grab my dreams.

My final comment is on the cost of disabled people. Yes my care costs money, but it would also cost in a care home in the countryside. In enabling me to live as I choose and go to work, I am paying taxes and contributing to the economy. This is one of many examples when short term investment in disability leads to long term gain for everyone.

So the answers lie here:

1)   People need to be told about the problems faced by disabled people

2)   Human nature will undoubtedly result with compassion to improve things

3)   Disabled people also need to be motivated to get out there and achieve for themselves

4)  With efficient economic and political policies; buildings can have access, peoples attitudes will change and employment will be on an even playing field – at no detriment to the economy or individual people

5)   The DDA being more enforceable would be policy number 1!

In fact, unlike all the other things, human relationships are almost the only element of life that cannot be affected by disability – every human has the capacity to love and be loved.

I don’t mean that I ever thought I couldn’t have relationships, but I used to be terrified that my disability meant that nobody could possibly be attracted to me. Even when it was plainly obvious that they were, I told myself it was a freak occurrence, or that they were being patronising or charitable.

I foolishly paid attention to the people who tried to reassure me that someone somewhere might eventually want to sleep with me. And if these people felt the need to tell me that so often (and published special pamphlets on the subject), it couldn’t be true, right?

All the advice I received seemed to be based on the premise that, yes, disabled people are hideously unattractive but eventually someone (probably equally flawed) would be attracted enough to see past all that. It didn’t ring true, but I didn’t have the self-confidence to fully comprehend that it was wrong.

When things go wrong in any aspect of life, it is easy to blame the biggest difference between me and the person who got what I wanted – my wheelchair. It is tempting to tell myself that if only I weren’t disabled, my life would be perfect. But the fact is that I failed my first job interview because I presented like a naive and stupid school-girl instead of the Oxbridge law candidate I was.

I failed my first driving test because I nearly ran over an old lady at a pelican crossing and couldn’t reverse round a corner, and the first boy I ever had a serious crush on rejected me because he was about to go to university and I was just starting my GCSEs.

It’s tough out there in the real world. If you want to be treated like everyone else, you have to recognise that all the other aspects of who and what you are will affect how people react to you just as much as your disability will. You can’t demand to be treated the same and then play the disability card to get your own way. What is more, the disability card does not work in relationships.

Sometimes, like the book and the film tell us “He’s just not that into you.” No blame. No inequality. There are girls all over the world wondering whether they have some terrible flaw that means they are unlovable. Yet the human race is perpetuated generation by generation and, no offence, but they’re not all Hollywood-style beautiful babies. Which means that it’s not only the perfect ones who are getting some. In fact, there are no perfect people. Some guys will fancy you, some will not. Only Angelina Jolie is spared this problem.

What every girl disabled or not, learns is that some are attracted to each individual. Not all, just some, and the proportion varies for every person: but there is more than one in all the world too, no matter what Rapunzel tells you. “The One” is a fine ideal, but you don’t have to go from girl on her own in the tower to blushing bride in one leap. And you don’t have to settle for someone who isn’t right for you just because he shows an interest.

There will be idiots who have the nerve to say “You’re a great girl and if you weren’t in a wheelchair I’d like to go out with you.” but they’d come up with another reason if a magic wand was waved because, like I said, they are idiots.

Newsflash: some men can behave like idiots, particularly when it comes to the opposite sex and it’s easier to remember the hurtful things that tap into your insecurities. Is that only relevant to disabled women?

Bad luck my fellow disabled girls: we’re just the same as everyone else, except we get better parking.